My mother always told me to sit next to a fat lady on the beach. Why limit myself to the beach?

October is around the corner, which means that when I tire of checking Facebook and scouring Pinterest for crockpot recipes (it’s all part of the creative process, people), I can turn my attention to things that matter: like seeing how many people have come to my blog in search of Halloween costume ideas. Last year my ground-breaking blog posts included such topics as The Best Halloween Costumes You Never Thought of and Lame Costume Ideas for the Truly Desperate. An astonishing number of people land on my site after Googling “lame costume ideas,” which I never imagined would be anyone’s actual goal.

On the bright side, far more people get here after typing “original costume ideas”or “current events costumes.” (Two words: Summer Olympics. Three words: Avoid presidential politics. Unless you want to dress as Big Bird. Or a binder.) My favorite searches, though, are the questions. I will answer some of them here:

Is it bad taste to dress like Casey Anthony for Halloween? Yes.

Is it ok to dress up like Amy Winehouse for Halloween? No. Still too soon. Give it another year.

Is Richard Simmons a stupid Halloween costume? Are you kidding me? Richard Simmons is a fabulous costume! But you have to be prepared to guide an exercise routine on the dance floor.

What should me and my husband be for Halloween?  I’m sorry, but I can’t answer that question until you rephrase using proper grammar. 

Hot tramp stamp see thru shirt with black bra. Okay, that’s not a question, but I still feel the need to respond. No. Just no.

Sadly, I have no advice for the person who wanted to Find costumes for a Hemingway party — though I wish I were invited. Likewise, I’m out of ideas for the individual looking to find a Kevin Federline costume for a dog. (Do they make doggie wifebeaters?) As for the people searching for sick and wrong Halloween costumes and costume ideas for people going to hell, see my Casey Anthony response, above.

It’s kind of funny that a lot of people come to my costume posts after Googling Never thought of before Halloween costumes. If something has never been thought of before, it’s not going to be on a blog. Because a person has to think of something before she blogs about it. So, um. . . yeah. But here are some standouts from my last Halloween party:

 

And, finally, to all those people looking for Costumes where you don’t have to dress up: Come on! You get to be you 364 days a year. It’s Halloween. Be a superhero. Or a rock star. Or maybe even . . . a book.

More Halloween Posts:

Halloween Costumes: Rockers and Pop Stars

Halloween Costumes: Television Shows

Halloween Costumes: Movies

Halloween Costumes: In the News

 

Bubble World

Coming in July 2013 from Henry Holt

Find out more.

Read first chapter.