Archive for February, 2014
Like: Why is maple syrup in the Mexican food section?
And: Isn’t there something wrong with a store that sells both rabbit food and rabbits as food? (I will not include a photo of that one. You’re welcome.)
And then there is the Marilyn potato. It is, truly, a pretty potato, at least in a relative sense. And the packaging is, um, nice. For a package of potatoes . But — Marilyn? As in Marilyn Monroe?
Here’s the product label, translated:
Like her American namesake, her blondness, the regularity of her texture, and the firmness of her flesh make her the darling of gourmets.
The label goes on to recommend that you store Marilyn someplace cool and dry. And when the time comes, you should boil her for twenty minutes.
So tell me. What do you think is the sexiest root vegetable??
Recently my web guy emailed me. He was worried that there was something wrong with my website because when he logged on, it said there had been no updates since August. Um … wait. Is it FEBRUARY already? Well, hey! How have you all been?
Okay. I’m lame. But I’m also in France, which has been my go-to excuse all year. My other go-to excuse, “I have a book manuscript due,” is temporarily on hold, however, since I handed it in last week. And I have been updating my Instagram feed frequently . . . no, constantly . . . no, obsessively . . . so please check out my pictures. If readers check out my Instagram feed, then taking pictures on my iPhone and playing with filters counts as “work,” at least on an emotional level.
So! Here we are.
Though perhaps not as awkward as doing a presentation to international middle school students and realizing halfway through that about half of them probably don’t speak English.
Questions? Any questions??
Okay, I’ll talk to myself. After all, that’s pretty much what writing is, anyway.
Q. What is it like living in Paris?
A. I don’t know. I live in Strasbourg.
Q. Wait — you’re in Germany? I thought you were in France.
A. Strasbourg is in France. But it is right next to Germany. And it has been under German control many times throughout history, which means there are huge German influences in everything from the food to the architecture.
Q. So, how’s your French?
A. When I arrived, I spoke bad French. Five months later, I speak bad French with a slight German accent.
Q. Will you show me some of the pictures you have taken?
A. Sure! I’ll post some here! Plus you should check my Instagram feed!
A: Yes, it is.
Q: Are you sure it’s not in Germany?
A: I’m positive.
Q: You know, it really is lame that you haven’t posted anything on your website for five months.
A: It’s actually been five and a half. And that wasn’t a question.
Q: How often can we expect web posts from you from now on?
A: I DON’T KNOW! Don’t you understand? I AM A CREATIVE PERSON!!! I cannot live by rules and schedules and, and . . . all that other stuff that matters to you left-brained, in-the-box people!
A: I’m shooting for a couple of times a week. But once a week at the very least.
Q: So, just between you and I —
A: You and me.
Q: Between us, is your entire writing career just something you do in the hopes of gaining more Instagram followers?
A: You’re on to me.