I don’t really like to make fun of something from the Uncommon Goods catalog because it supports independent artists, but . . . I will.

First, though, let me say that Uncommon Goods has some really cool, unique, reasonably priced stuff. Like . . . recycled animal accessories! Which aren’t, as the name implies, made from recycled animals (ew) but from from “yarn spun from the leftover materials from apparel and upholstery factories that would have been discarded.” Which doesn’t sound like recycling to me, but whatever. They’re cute! (Also, apparently sold out, but there’s always next year.)

They also have whimsical items like Gummy Bear Lights . . .

. . . and unique jewelry like a Nest Egg necklace that would be perfect for someone who loves birds, who’s about to have a baby, or maybe even for someone just wrote an egg-themed novel. Hey, it could happen.

Finally, for the passionate defenders of the Nosy (which, forgive me, but I think I still think is stupid), they have a wooden eyeglass holder.

But that’s not the best worst gift Uncommon Goods offers. Oh no, if you’ve got to buy something for someone you don’t like, the wine hourglass wins, hands down. From the catalog:

The Sands of Wine

Drink in the moment with these captivating wine glasses, designed with a working hourglass that celebrates the beauty of time spent toasting food, wine and friendship. Flip a glass to spark its timer–and the table conversation–over vibrant streams of sand swishing and crashing for ten minutes a side.

“But wait!” some of you say (hopefully to yourselves). “They’re kind of cool looking!” And they are, sort of. If you like that kind of thing. Or maybe you say, “What a fun conversation piece!” Or: “It’s like a classy drinking game — you’ve got ten minutes to finish your wine before the hourglass runs out.”

Exactly! You flip the hourglass to “spark its timer,” then flip it back so you can pour the wine. You finish the wine in under ten minutes (go you!) and . . . why yes, thanks, I’d love another glass or Merlot. But then — whoops! You forgot to reset the hourglass. So you flip the glass back over, but instead of sparking the timer, you launch the wine over yourself, the couch, the carpet, and your best friend’s boyfriend whom you’ve never really liked.

So: you might not want to put these on your Christmas gift. But if your best friend is looking for ideas for her boyfriend? You know just the thing.

More Best Worst Holiday Gifts

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A signed book makes a great holiday gift. Click here for free, personalized bookplates.